Honor your father and your mother
When God freed the Jews from bondage and slavery, He gave them the Ten Commandments as the building blocks for the society and economy He envisions. The first three commandments focus on our relationship with God. In between, the commandment about the Sabbath, a time of rest, bridges our connection with God and our interactions with ourselves and others. The remaining commandments center on our relationships with others, starting with honoring your father and mother.
Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.
As Paul points out in Ephesians, this is the only commandment with a promise attached to it.
“Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
When God speaks of society at large, He starts with the family. He emphasizes the importance of respecting our parents, creating a cycle of respect that spans generations. We may begin as children who honor our parents, but eventually, we become parents ourselves. Our kids will respect us, and this cycle continues generation after generation. Sadly, we see this commandment ignored and shattered today, leading to broken families, failed marriages, and divorces. This breakdown results in a domino effect throughout society where relationships disintegrate and everything falls apart.
I'll start with a testimony. I accepted Christ at 19, then became arrogant towards my parents because they weren't believing the one true God. Believing I was superior to my family of "idol worshippers," I refused to attend their Church with them whenever I visited from college. The refusal led to heated arguments and a tense family.
When I returned to my college hostel after home visits, I felt unhappy and confused. The tension between me and my family didn't feel right, even though I believed in my newfound faith. When I was a young adult figuring out my identity, I was rebellious, but I was also confused.
One day while reading Romans 1, I came across a list of sins that occur when people don't praise God. As I read the list - murder, adultery, lying - I felt relieved that I wasn't guilty. Then I saw it: disobeying parents. I was shocked.
slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents;
How can Paul equate disobedience to parents to murder or adultery? It shook me, and for a while, I tried to ignore it. The more I thought about it, the more I realized my mistake and knelt in prayer and asked the Lord for forgiveness.
Before I left for the next holidays, I prayed. I decided to attend church with my family but requested them not to make me participate in certain rituals. They said yes. I had a peaceful, joyous time at home after a long time.
Years later, as I prepared for marriage, I prayed for my future spouse. Honor your parents so it will be well with you," echoed in my head. I told my parents I'll marry whoever they picked.
One day, my mom met my classmate and discussed my marriage with him. The long and short of it is that I married my wife, and our life together has been a blessing beyond my dreams. I wake up every morning feeling like I'm in a dream and recite Psalm 126:1.
The point of this testimony is to show you that when you honor your parents, things will work out for you. It's not just a commandment, it's a promise. The Lord always keeps His promises.
Who all honored their parents or elders
But Shem and Japheth took a garment and laid it across their shoulders; then they walked in backward and covered their father’s naked body. Their faces were turned the other way so that they would not see their father naked.
Noah led a godly life while his peers lived a wicked life. He obeyed God, built the ark, and saved humanity from God's wrath unleashed through the flood. In a moment of weakness, he drank too much and lay naked. His youngest son saw it and gossiped about it to his brothers. By contrast, Noah's elder sons covered up his shame without looking.
Our mothers risk their lives to give birth to us and take care of us when we are so fragile. Dads work hard to provide for us and make sure we're educated, often hiding their struggles. They're human; they'll make mistakes. Do you focus on what they did for you or gossip about their weaknesses?
The same goes for godly elders. There's little respect for such people anymore. When they err, videos mocking them circulate on YouTube, ignoring their accomplishments. For example, DGS has been ridiculed in numerous videos, but none of his critics have achieved even half of what he has done worldwide.
Am I suggesting we ignore their flaws or avoid questioning them? No. Instead, follow Paul's advice: approach them directly with two witnesses. If you lack the courage to confront them personally, don't discuss it at all. Speaking out in public only invites the curse Noah cast on Ham.
So Joseph settled his father and his brothers in Egypt and gave them property in the best part of the land, the district of Rameses, as Pharaoh directed.
Joseph was sold as a slave to Egyptian traders and abandoned by his family despite his father's love. He was the second most powerful man in the country. He was even more powerful in the surrounding countries because he had food during a devastating famine.
When his family arrived in Egypt, he didn't hold a grudge. Instead, he honored his father by letting Pharaoh receive the family and settling them in Egypt's most fertile land. Jacob's life ends with Joseph by his side. Despite all the hardships, Jacob dies peacefully surrounded by his sons and grandsons, witnessing their prosperity and God's fulfillment. Joseph ensures his father's final days are filled with peace and comfort. That's how Joseph honored his father.
But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.
We often discuss honoring our fathers and mothers, but let's not forget that this extends to our fathers-in-law and mothers-in-law too. Just look at the example of Ruth in the Bible. She had every reason to leave her mother-in-law behind and move on with her life, but she chose to stick by her side even when others abandoned her.
Ruth and Naomi traveled together to a new land, where Ruth adopted the people of her mother-in-law. Dedicated to Naomi, she worked tirelessly in the fields. And what a reward she reaped! Ruth was an ancestor of both David and Jesus.
Remember to honor your inlaws. The Lord will bless you in the land he provides.
Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart. And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man.
Did Jesus respect his parents? Even at 12, Jesus was able to debate and talk with priests and religious scholars in the temple. Not as a student, but as someone well-versed in the subject matter, he spoke with authority. He must have known his divine heritage as the Son of God.
Despite his knowledge and authority, Jesus obeyed his parents. By doing so, he honored them and fulfilled this commandment. As a result, he grew wiser and got more favor from God and men.
When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to her, “Woman, here is your son,” and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.
In the final moments of his life, hanging on the cross, bearing the sins of the world, Jesus still thought about his mother. She stood there under the cross with his beloved disciple. Jesus commits his mother to his beloved disciple. Jesus didn't leave her to his siblings who didn't believe in him when he was alive, but to his disciple. His last act showed how much he loved and respected them.
How to support our families
Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
The Ten Commandments are the Bible's core message, and the rest of the text explains how to follow them. Although this commandment is for kids, the Lord explains how families can keep it.
You'll find an explicit commandment in Deuteronomy 11: "Teach them to your kids. Talk about them when you sit at home, when you walk along the road when you lie down, and when you get up." This message is all about spending time with your kids.
Sit down with your kids and have a meaningful conversation. Bring them along when you're walking or shopping. Share stories with them at bedtime. Make sure you kiss them good morning and give them advice for the day.
Sadly, we've become absent-minded parents. Our busy lives keep us from spending quality time with our children. And they're equally swamped – loaded with schoolwork, extracurricular activities, and tuition classes. With such little time together, how can we teach them anything? No wonder the bond between parents and children suffers.
We need to spend more time together discussing these commandments - not just to force obedience, but to have a dialogue about them. Only then will parents be able to teach their children? What's the best way to teach them? Using examples from our own lives, our families, and friends - both those who have obeyed and those who haven't. When that happens, our kids will understand biblical verses and obey them.
So when the Lord says, "obey your parents," it's not just an abstract command for our kids. He expects us, as parents, to teach them through vivid examples and shared experiences.
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
In the Old Testament, the Lord commanded parents to teach their children. Paul echoes this in Ephesians that fathers shouldn't frustrate their children but teach them the way of the Lord.
As a parent, I know how easy it can be to tell our kids what to do and not to do, instead of having genuine conversations and building strong bonds. We might unintentionally frustrate them if we try to mold them into our image instead of helping them find their own path.
Paul emphasizes the importance of training and teaching our children, which can only happen if we spend quality time with them. We can foster a listening heart in our kids and teach them valuable lessons from the Bible that way.
But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.
Teaching our kids about the Lord's ways is vital, but remember, they learn more from what we do than what we say. We can share Bible stories and discuss forgiveness and love, but if our actions don't reflect those values, our words will fall on deaf ears.
You might go to church every Sunday, teach Sunday classes, and talk about love, joy, and peace. If you fight with your spouse at home or cheat at work, what message does that send to your kids? Children mimic what they see, not what they hear.
Joshua said, "I and my family will serve the Lord." It won't be easy, but taking up the cross means living out our faith every day. Your kids will read the Bible if they see you reading it. They will pray if you pray with them. Show them that church is a priority by making it one in your life.
Don't be like the Pharisees who preached rules but didn't follow them- Jesus called them hypocrites. Our children need to see us walking the talk; that's how they'll learn best.
Families are closed units where kids spend most of their time. What better place to train them in the Lord's ways than within the walls of our own homes? Living out our faith authentically and consistently builds a solid foundation for our kids.
She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Teaching kids about God's ways isn't just a father's duty. The Bible doesn't say raising a family is solely for fathers. Proverb 31 tells us what women and mothers can do. This whole chapter describes a godly woman and her many roles. Verse 27 emphasizes that she keeps an eye on family affairs to ensure they're taken care of.
Parents need to set good examples for their kids. They need to see both mom and dad following biblical principles, working, resting, providing, and spending time with them. When kids witness this family dynamic, they're more likely to obey their parents.
There will always be disagreements and misunderstandings in a family. When we sit down and talk to our kids about things, our bond gets stronger. Spending time with them will make them appreciate us more and make them more willing to listen to us.
We need to create an environment where kids obey their parents naturally. The Bible encourages fathers to train their kids and mothers to take care of the house. By building such an environment, our kids will learn obedience and not get frustrated.
References
- My message in Tamil: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSN5OR3V8jc